My mother in law, “Miss” Carol, died on Saturday morning, around 3:15am. The cancer had spread to her lungs and her brain. Thankfully, she is no longer in pain. But I miss her very much.
Cancer Sucks. April 6, 2007
My Mother in Law is an awesome lady. She has overcome so many obstacles in her life and come out the other side optimistic, funny and thrilled by life. She loves me unconditionally, even though I’m sure she sometimes looks at me and thinks “That girl is an alien.” Since my parents live 12 hours away, it’s nice to have another mom who is only 3 hours away. She makes me feel loved. She makes me laugh. She gives me strength and courage.
She is also dying.
She has been battling a very aggressive form of colon cancer for 4 years. The cancer moved to her liver about a year and a half ago. Despite everyone’s best efforts, the cancer has taken up residence in her liver and isn’t going away. She’s been in the bed for about 3 weeks, just getting sicker and sicker. Hospice has come in now, but the pain is so bad that the morphine really isn’t working anymore. So she is, quite frankly, waiting to die.
With my dad being a priest, dying and dealing with the dying and their families has simply been a part of our lives. We talk about death, we see death as part of the Circle. We understand that yes, we will grieve and be sad and that’s ok. We also understand that, at some point, it’s ok, even preferable, to let someone die.
Jamie didn’t have this experience growing up, and neither did his family. His family doesn’t talk much (ok AT ALL) about the Big Things. So this has been a doubly difficult experience for him, for all of them. Jamie’s Dad died suddenly last year, on Feb. 28, and now he’s loosing his mom as well. She’s 55 years old. Just 55. 55 years seems like a whisper, although she spoke and acted loudly during her 55 years.
One of the hardest parts for the both of us is the sudden changing picture of our future. Jamie and I always thought that we’d have kids and they’d know their Pops and their Granny (Jamie’s parents) and their Bigmomma and Bigdaddy (my parents). Jamie was really excited about this, because he didn’t know any of his grandfathers, and only one of his grandmothers. And now our kids won’t know Pops and Granny. They won’t get to learn the things we wanted them to learn from those two.
There are so many thoughts in my head, about love, death, ressurection, silence, fairness, grief, joy, the worst things and the best things. I still haven’t gotten it all sorted out and I suppose I won’t for a long time to come. We are down to taking it minute by tiny minute. Making this minute the best one, better than the last one, and so on. Which may be, in the end, the best way to live all of our days.
