Action Figure Wars presents LEGOLAS vs WILL TURNER May 15, 2007

So I was thinking about Orlando Bloom today, because we were talking about the Extras episode when he can’t figure out why Maggie is not completely awed by his F.I.N.E. fineness (which is truly, truly fine), and the Lord of the Rings trilogy has been on, and ANYWAY.  I have two thoughts.

First of all, how is it that almost every line Legolas says sounds like it was written by Percy Shelly?  Almost every time the elf opened his mouth I cringed.  Not b/c Orlando Bloom doesn’t do a great job with what he’s given.  But because as an actor, I have read scripts and then looked at someone (director, playwright etc…) and said “Seriously.  I have to say this for real?  Really?”  I think that Orlando Bloom probably said this 40-50 times throughout the reading of the Lord of the Rings scripts.  And then continued with “That’s not just a place holder until we come up with something that doesn’t make me sound like a 19^th century romantic poet?”

Secondly, Orlando Bloom is my age, more or less (late 20s), and he already has TWO action figures of himself.  And they are of himself as a kick ass warrior ELF and a kick ass sword master PIRATE.  I would have those in every room of my house.  Does he pit Legolas and Will Turner against one another to see who comes out victorious?  Or does he have them band together with HeMan to fight Darth Vader and the Evil Empire?  Two action figures.  Homeboy is LIVING THE LIFE. 

How to tell if you are a Disciple May 12, 2007

I was driving by a church the other day, and the title of the sermon for that week was “How to Tell if You’re a Disciple.” I’m not sure how the sermon went, but I have devised my own quiz so that you, too, can tell if you are a Disciple.

1. Is your name one of the following: Andrew, James, John, Judas, Bartholomew, Simon, Thomas,
Matthew,Peter, Jude or Phillip?
2. Are you a former fisherman?
3. Are you a former tax collector?
4. Have you sold all of your belongings and given the money to the poor?
5. Do you walk everywhere you go?
6. Do you have a close circle of 11 friends?
7. Do you sometimes speak in a foreign tongue that you didn’t know you could speak?
8. Do you have a friend that can control the weather?
9. Do you have a friend that calls himself the Son of God?
10. Have you ever walked on water, realized what you were doing and then sunk?

Here’s how to score yourself:
Yes to 1-3 questions: Discipleship doubtful. You may now get your money back from the poor.

Yes to 4-6 questions: You are well on the road to being a Disciple. Watch out for people that want you to sell out your best friend for 30 pieces of silver

Yes to 7-10 questions: You, my friend, are the REAL DEAL. Look out for the flaming tongues, they may descend at any moment.